Thursday, August 25, 2011

Dog Deportation and Other Shenanigans... Day 4 and 5 from Costa Rica

Yesterday was D’s BIG 3-0 and we toured the jungle.  Right after we dumped our dog back on the beach…  And she chased our car for 3 blocks.  Saddest thing EVER.  But don’t judge me just yet.  Wait until the end.

But back to the Bueno Vista Tour: I’m just going to be honest here…  I was totally hoping for less schlepping and more horseback riding.  Our tour started with 10 zip lines.  Yep.  10.  And I cried through the first 7.  At least.  It was terrifying.

Chill on the outside, stroking out on the inside.  Pre-zip photo.
Photo Credit: MacGruber

Flying High.  We renamed this the "Full Diaper Tour."
Photo Credit:  MacGruber
Walkway to Heaven.  Literally.
Photo Credit: MacGruber

Poor Smookems was more petrified than I was, but just barely. At one point between zips I looked over on our tiny trembling platform, suspended 60 feet above the jungle floor only to find Snookems shaking from head to toe, with both arms wrapped around a tree. Now that’s good clean fun.

We actually have a video of Smookems zip lining UPSIDE DOWN, but since it was too large to upload I have included a transcript of the audio:


I have to change my pants every time I watch that video.  Holy Jeebus that's good stuff.

MacGruber on the other hand was completely fearless and is the very first person in history to join the ‘Canopy Mile High Club’ with this little number.

(Will post picture later. Blogger apparently thought it was too racey for your viewing pleasure.)

She’s an adrenaline junky.  I just about peed my pants watching all of her crazy shenanigans, but thankfully we had the foresight to get them all on film.

After zip lining we got in line for our pony tour.  Poor ponies.  We climbed high, high, high into the jungle while desperately trying NOT to be scraped off on the side of the mountain.  Graddy had a little trouble in the steering department, took a quick kick to the shin and decided that was the END of her riding career.  Pobrecita.  It is an accurate statement to say she absolutely detests horses.

Graddy didn't realize she signed up for the poison ivy tour. 
Photo Credit: MacGruber

Then began the schlepping.  Boo.  I mean YAY!  We took a 15 minute hike (unfortunately on our own two feet) up a steep mountain for a really amazing 2 minute glimpse of a real life, honest to goodness waterfall.  But boy did we get some good pictures.

Bueno Vista Summit.  JS is still speaking to me at this point.
Photo Credit:  MacGruber
After schlepping back down the same mountain the real fun began.  We chillaxed in the sauna and then painted ourselves with molten magma mud.  I suffered first degree burns to my hand (for real), but again, it was all for the sake of good pictures.

Somewhere there are Costa Ricans laughing
at the Gringas that paid to bathe in mud.

Here we are drying and worshipping the birthday girl.
 They forgot to tell me that if I chose to cover my body in mud I would then have to dowse myself with water that was a mere 50 degrees.  I swear it was so cold that I blacked out for a few seconds and my heart stopped beating.  The best part of the entire tour was lounging in the hot springs (107 degrees) and a quick nap on the chaise lounge, after which we scarfed a sketchy buffet and hit the road back to Tamarindo. 
But it gets better.  Guess who showed up at our front door before we left for dinner last night?  Did you guess?  This sweet little girl!

Who apparently answers to Reyna:  The Queen in espanol.  The bartender told me that she belongs to the beach and that I simply could NOT take her home to Texas.  Actually, his exact argument went as follows: 
“Does she looks sick?  (No.)  Does she look hungry?  (No.)  Her yard is the entire beach.  She will not like Texas because she does not like cow.  She likes fish and shrimps and lobster.  Besides, that belt you have on her neck is not exactly her favorite color.”

Touche.  Today I let the vet decide.  Dr. Carla the veterinarian says she sees 5-10 dogs every week for motor vehicle collisions alone and she assured me that I should not leave her in Costa Rica.  I actually took a poll and 2 out of 2 veterinarians agreed.  Tammy should live in Texas. 

Poor Tica Tammy got all of her shots today, her worming, her flea meds and tomorrrow she will get her Certified Health Certificate.  American airlines already has a reservation for 1 perro from Liberia to Dallas and she is scheduled to have her toes painted purple later this evening.

Hasta luego amigos and watch out Texas!  Tica Tammy Reyna Dawg is headed home.

P.S.  Tica Tammy, Bella and I are looking for a new roommate if  you know of anything good...  Let's just say JS is LESS than pleased.


  1. She's a beauty, and CLEARLY wanted to jeopardize your relationship(s), both dog and human. The conversation with the bartender is what brother would call "comedy gold."