Monday, May 19, 2014

No Tan Lines

My Prince gave me two time options for hailing our cab. 5:15 or 5:30. I chose 5:30 thinking surely he wouldn't give me any unreasonable options.

He silently cringed from afar (South Texas) and booked the cab. Our flight was scheduled to leave ATX at 6:35

When we arrived at the airport our sleepy excitement turned to concern. It appeared every (mother ducking) high school kid in Austin was standing in front of us in the security line. Literally 300 kids and their band instruments standing between us and paradise.

In fact, the Delta kiosk told us we were too late to check in. Vacation doomed... 

A Delta employee named Kasey checked us in manually, grabbed our bags from us and wished us luck. Our plane was boarding in 20 minutes and we were looking at a 2 hour security line. 

Chase looked around and jumped into the TSA pre-screen line. I stubbornly refused to join him, standing in the regular ol' plebeian line until he called me on the phone. He pleaded with me in front of all 300 people. He said that if we didn't attempt to cut to the front of that line with pre-screen, we were ABSOLUTELY NOT going to make Mexico. Kasey had already told us all of Delta's connecting flights were booked completely full, so missing our first flight meant missing Vacation Day 1 and missing our massages he had scheduled for the morning of Day 2.

Tragic shit man. I realized he was right. Worst case scenario we were going to get kicked out of the pre-screen line and we would still miss our flight, so I joined him and held my breath.

The TSA security lady was scary as hell. I knew she could smell my fear. I thought we had pulled a quick one over on her until she stamped our boarding passes and pointed a finger across the way. She was letting us cut the long line. She wouldn't however let us through the true pre-screen line without going through a scanner. 

5 excruciating minutes later we were totally through security and bolting down the terminal. After passing the first 5 gates I was thinking, "Thank God I work out on the regular." After passing the next five gates I was thinking, "Holy hell. (Gasping for air.) I should consider running more sprints." 

As the gap between us was growing, I kind of wondered if Prince Charming hadn't bumped my at the starting line. My mind wanted to find any excuse for my somewhat poor performance. But let's be serious. He has legs like a GD gazelle. We'll chock it up to those amazing legs and his sheer determination of will. Don't mess with that man's vacation. 

We arrived huffing at our terminal to find Kasey, all the way from Delta's check in counter, waiting for us. Just like a creepy butler from a funny movie. 

He kind of shook his head in surprise as if to say, "I didn't really think I would see you here." 

He told us the Prince's bag got tagged in security so it was slower moving through. He hoped it would make it on time, but if not they would forward it to our final destination. 

We shrugged our shoulders and wondered what could have caused the delay as we waited for our screaming adrenaline levels to drop from "Holy fuck, I'm having a stroke" to "We made it to Mexico, bitches!"

And then we vacationed happily ever after and all luggage was accounted for. The end.


Best massage of my life. Super grateful we didn't miss it :)

We still have no idea why "his" bag got tagged. I just assumed little Bella dog had stowed herself away. 

Well actually, I might have a pretty good idea... When we unpacked it was apparent that it had been MY suitcase that had been searched. And that's another story for a different day, on an anonymous blog. 

The end.

Friday, April 25, 2014

Loving You, Loving Me

Dedicated to my dearest Prince Charming with one tiny caveat. It's now somewhat required that I sing, "I'm not gonna write you a love song, 'cause you asked for it, 'cause you need one..."

Darling Prince
Loving you
Loving me
Fairy tales on demand
Warm hands
Touching my soul
Kisses that caress
Falling more deeply each day
Surprisingly strong
Finding you
Finding me
Daring adventures
New beginnings
Wild abandon
Fearless with you by my side
Bright eyes that only see perfections
Touch something deep inside
A leap of faith that feels like coming home
Safe, warm, exciting
My biggest fan and I'm yours
Love like I have never known
Absolute approval
Unimaginable happiness
Insufficient words to describe
My heart grows stronger with your love
A heart more mine than ever before
Your eyes are a mirror for hope, joy and forever
Forever and one day
Loving me
Loving you
My darling Prince

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Life is Short: Live Your Dream and Wear Purple Hair

...Or maybe it's, "Life is short, live your dream and wear your passion."

Ah, hell! All I know is this: While I was all hopped up on turning 32, I read the side of a Lu Lu Lemon bag that told me to "Do something every day that you're afraid of...."

AND THEN, I came home with a mane full of shockingly purple hair. Some might even dare to call it a purple fro. Whatevs.

It's glorious. And it's purple. Really, REALLY purple :)

I'm not going to lie y'all. I suffered a massive cardiac infarction at its unveiling and then I shotgunned a beer to calm my nerves. When that didn't do the trick I turned to tequila. Soon thereafter, I decided that my new purple do was rather delightful.

I was really hopeful things were getting better when I took my first few showers and purple streamed down the drain. Sure enough, its lightened into an even MORE fabulous shade of purple. Not a more subtle shade. Nope. Not really. Just more purple and less electric blue :) And I really do love it!

I've already survived half of a day in the office (terrifying) and meeting the bf's (OMG) parents. (Quite unfortunate timing and he wouldn't let me reschedule ;)

See! Purple hair has brought a WHOLE new meaning to facing one's fears... Or even better, my personal favorite, just plain avoiding them.

Yeahhhhhh, so... About that... I have a sneaking suspicion when Pops and Sister get wind of this my ass is totally grass :) But until then I say: Watch out world! I've got my sassy pants on AND I'm rockin' this purple hair.


Thursday, September 13, 2012

Conversations with Sister

I have a pretty fantastic Sister.... And I really wanted to start this blog by writing, MY SISTER IS BETTER THAN YOUR SISTER! But seeing as that might cause a fist fight or spark an ugly debate, let's skip all that :) Please rest assured though, she is truly a splendiferous Sister and you should all be envious. Moving on.

So this morning I received a phone call at 8 am from said wonderful big Sister. Which is truly a shocking and note worthy event in itself. Anyone that knows this incredible woman KNOWS she's not exactly a morning person. (Understatement y'all) In fact, before having the world's most wonderful chil'rens, anyone tempting to speak to said Sister before noon, would run the risk of losing life or limb.

...And they named me Gator. Ha! Sister, aka: Bobeara (heavy emphasis on the "bear") has always been a powerful force to be reckoned with.

Now then... Back to my story. Sister called this morning just to check in as we've been playing phone tag seemingly for weeks. Chil'rens safely deposited at their respective educational institutions she had exactly two spare moments to potty alone and call her most favorite little sister. It sort of sounded like she might have been fending off the attack of a 4 pound Poo-Frische pup (also known as a Bichon-Poo, I like the sound of Poo Freeze best), but she remained non-plussed. She's a cool customer. Ice water in her veins.

When I told her I was considering a few tasteful purple highlights in my hair to mark the end of my State Board season and as a celebration of completing the first 32 years of my magical life... I was met with silence on the other end of the phone. Poor Sister.

I said, "So I'm totally thinking about having a few purple highlights put in my hair next week. Do you think I should do a small snip underneath my bangs, or a small lock underneath near my neck? I mean... I'd really prefer a few feather extensions, but they're soooooo 2011."


I giggled. "Silly question right? Because I can actually feel you cringing from 200 miles away."

Sister answered, "Weeeelllll. What will your patients think? What if something goes wrong?"

As visions of Rainbow Bright-esque purple fringe filled my head, I shook it off and said, "Eh. It'll be fine. They're all hippies anyway. Besides, it's Austin. I'm either getting a tattoo or purple hair. Pick your poison."

Dearest Sister immediately responded, "Oh God! Purple hair! I think purple hair will look GREAT, AND I can cut it off while you're sleeping... That tattoo might be a little tougher..."

So there you have it folks. Conversations with Sister. And THAT'S just ONE of the many reasons I love my Sister so much and have decided that she's way cooler than yours. Or at least more conservative. Cool AND Conservative. That's my girl!

So what do y'all think? Purple bangs? Purple underneath? Tattoo?? ;)

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Lessons From My Magical Life

I will be 32 in just a few short days... And I'm stoked! How things change.

I look back to where I was at age 29, as I was approaching the horizon of the Big 3-0, and I remember all the fears and self doubt I had. That startling realization that regardless of whether or not you've decided to participate, life keeps flying by. The: How can I already be 30? Where did time go? I don't want to be a grown up! I'm not satisfied with my fitness. How come I'm not more successful or farther along in life?

And then! I had the best 30th birthday imaginable, one of the best years of my life and time has shown me that my magical life is truly getting better every single day. I honestly had no idea my 30's would be so damned amazing.

Then I have to wonder why my 20's were such a struggle... Was it school? Yes. That was traumatic but only because my perspective was so much different. Was it the fear of beginning a career? Was it my fear of the big, wide world and all of its magic, its opportunities and the risk of failure? Of course.

I realize I was so unsure and unhappy because I thought life happened TO me. I was a passive, dreary passenger just along for the ride. I viewed happiness as something to be found or caught like a herd of wild horses. Something fleeting that slipped through my fingers. I had yet to discover that I get to manufacture my own happiness, I get to decide to follow my own passions and it's a choice I make to live each day joyously. It's my choice to shine.

And here I am! I wake up everyday with overwhelming gratitude. Overwhelming joy! I am finally living an absolutely charmed life. I have an amazing, fulfilling career. I have the best family and the most fantastic friends a girl could ask for. I have achieved a rocking level of health and fitness and I enjoy the opportunity to improve a little more each day. I truly am a success on so many levels because I am following my passions and doing something daily that brings me joy.

So cheers to living life happily. Hurray for 32! Now then, can someone please turn the volume down on that little voice of alarm that peeks through my sunshine occasionally? The one that speaks aloud my fears and doubts. Please tell her that I've totally got this. I plan to shine a bit brighter everyday and I fully commit to basking in the magic that I create while I participate in my fantastical, splendiferous, amazingly charmed life :)

Saturday, July 28, 2012

All Good Things

Well... Like they say. All good things must come to an end! But I don't believe that for one single minute ;)

I do know that my vacation in Paradise is coming quickly to a close. Today was our last full day. Tomorrow we leave our resort around 12 noon and we and fly out around 4. What ever shall we do with 4 hours to kill in Paradise, you ask? I have a sneaking suspicion we will browse for local wares, eat, drink and be merry. Arriving home sober would be an absolute travesty. I shall need all the liquid courage I can muster.

But enough of that! Today I joined the Adopt A Family Program after meeting the lovely Bradford's from Palm Beach, Florida. We paddle boarded and rode the hobie cat most of the morning before I left them to their own vacation.

Next I lounged on the bay until the urge to snorkel over took me. I was so busy practicing my Olympic free style stroke I didn't realize I had travelled about 500 million yards from shore. When I finally surfaced and looked for land I realized I had truly swam about 3-400 yards from my starting point, directly toward Puerto Rico. I suffered a small stroke because I could suddenly hear the theme song from jaws playing very loudly in my head. Listening to that sweet little soundtrack, I made it back to shore in less than 30 seconds. My heart rate was no less than 220 BPM until I could stand in the shallows. But most importantly, I swam with a sting ray this afternoon and an iguana strolled under my lounger. Awesome.

If I don't return, you can look for me here:

Friday, July 27, 2012

Captain McScreamy Pants and The U.S. Coast Guard

Today was a long, magically fantastic day. And I'm pretty sure that's exactly how all these tales have started while I've been here in Paradise ;)

We took a boat across the Atlantic and played on huge boulders that are several millions of years old. We jumped off the top of a rock that was 20 feet above the ocean and received a glorious salt water nasal passage power washing. We snorkeled again in water so clear and blue that it makes most swimming pools look cloudy. Absolute paradise.

One of the highlights of our excursion was when the captain of our boat gave me the wheel after 2.25 rum drinks (surprisingly I was the one who'd been drinking). He then left me with these terrifically detailed instructions: "Just point her over yonder and keep her out of the rocks."

Heh. Crossing a little snip of the Atlantic is no joke y'all. The waves were big enough to rock our boat at angles that had me laying down sideways on the captains bench before tossing me back into an upright position.

I don't know about your driving experiences folks, but laying down never seems like a good idea while attempting to maintain a good hold of the wheel and your eyes on the horizon. The first time a wave like that hit our Pretty Penny I literally almost shat myself.

The other 11 passengers aboard The PP were instilled with the utmost confidence by my piercing screams. You know the kind. The really high pitched girly ones that can only be made when you are absolutely certain you will die. Yep. That happened. And then we all giggled the next 40 miles to shore. Most importantly I refrained from screaming for the rest of my captain experience as my good friend Mr. Atlantic Ocean decided to quit f$@#ing with me. Thanks.

On our way home from our fantastical voyage we got pulled over by the real life U.S. Coast Guard. The waves were really rough so we thought perhaps they were doing a sobriety check, but thankfully this time I wasn't driving.

After ensuring our paperwork was in order, the Coast Guard took their tiny tug boat and their Tommy Gun and let us go on our merry way. Seriously. They had a machine gun on the front of their boat. Annnnnd they also had about 4 guns strapped to each leg. Most importantly, they only looked to be about 12 years old. It made us all feel a little bit like we were getting stopped by the Coast Guard's after school program ;)

And here is todays cache of photos: