Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Tangled and Shiny

Big changes have been afoot.  Huge.  I’ve had an impossible time finding a way to write about my newest adventures and thus have not been able to write at all.

My life and emotions have been nothing short of tangled.  Have you seen that movie?
The Disney movie Tangled?  The one they actually got right?
There’s a terrific scene where Rapunzel has just escaped her tower.  She is dancing around the forest flitting from exuberance over her new found freedom and then she is overwhelmed by fear because she has decided to leave all that she has ever known…  The anguish of hurting someone she loves so dearly almost drives her home.
And that’s pretty much where I find myself these days.  The last few months.  Tangled.
Rapunzel says, “I can't believe I did this,” in disbelief.
“I can't believe I did this!” with exuberance.
“Mother would be so furious.”
“That's OK though, I mean what she doesn't know won't kill her,” she says with hope in her voice.
“Oh my gosh. This would kill her,” back to anguish…
And then joy, “This is so fun!”
“I, am a horrible daughter.”
“I'm going back.”
“I am never going back!”
“I am a despicable human being.”
“Woo-hoo! Best. Day. Ever!”
And then she begins sobbing.

After spending the last 9 years together with JS, I find myself single.  A joint decision that has us starting over.  Again.  Separate.  Shiny.  New.  
A bit tangled and yet full of hope.
I am overwhelmed with emotions.  There aren’t enough words to describe my gratitude to JS, who has been my very best friend.  There are no words adequate enough to describe the sadness.  No words to explain my excitement for the future, my fears, my joy.
Each day is a new adventure.  When I wake up tangled I remind myself to trust my heart.  Trust in my decisions and trust that the Universe will get me and JS exactly where we need to be.  Exactly where we want to go.
I remind myself that I am the director of this fairy tale. This new life is mine to create and I am choosing to be hopeful and to shine.