Saturday, July 28, 2012

All Good Things

Well... Like they say. All good things must come to an end! But I don't believe that for one single minute ;)

I do know that my vacation in Paradise is coming quickly to a close. Today was our last full day. Tomorrow we leave our resort around 12 noon and we and fly out around 4. What ever shall we do with 4 hours to kill in Paradise, you ask? I have a sneaking suspicion we will browse for local wares, eat, drink and be merry. Arriving home sober would be an absolute travesty. I shall need all the liquid courage I can muster.

But enough of that! Today I joined the Adopt A Family Program after meeting the lovely Bradford's from Palm Beach, Florida. We paddle boarded and rode the hobie cat most of the morning before I left them to their own vacation.

Next I lounged on the bay until the urge to snorkel over took me. I was so busy practicing my Olympic free style stroke I didn't realize I had travelled about 500 million yards from shore. When I finally surfaced and looked for land I realized I had truly swam about 3-400 yards from my starting point, directly toward Puerto Rico. I suffered a small stroke because I could suddenly hear the theme song from jaws playing very loudly in my head. Listening to that sweet little soundtrack, I made it back to shore in less than 30 seconds. My heart rate was no less than 220 BPM until I could stand in the shallows. But most importantly, I swam with a sting ray this afternoon and an iguana strolled under my lounger. Awesome.

If I don't return, you can look for me here:

Friday, July 27, 2012

Captain McScreamy Pants and The U.S. Coast Guard

Today was a long, magically fantastic day. And I'm pretty sure that's exactly how all these tales have started while I've been here in Paradise ;)

We took a boat across the Atlantic and played on huge boulders that are several millions of years old. We jumped off the top of a rock that was 20 feet above the ocean and received a glorious salt water nasal passage power washing. We snorkeled again in water so clear and blue that it makes most swimming pools look cloudy. Absolute paradise.

One of the highlights of our excursion was when the captain of our boat gave me the wheel after 2.25 rum drinks (surprisingly I was the one who'd been drinking). He then left me with these terrifically detailed instructions: "Just point her over yonder and keep her out of the rocks."

Heh. Crossing a little snip of the Atlantic is no joke y'all. The waves were big enough to rock our boat at angles that had me laying down sideways on the captains bench before tossing me back into an upright position.

I don't know about your driving experiences folks, but laying down never seems like a good idea while attempting to maintain a good hold of the wheel and your eyes on the horizon. The first time a wave like that hit our Pretty Penny I literally almost shat myself.

The other 11 passengers aboard The PP were instilled with the utmost confidence by my piercing screams. You know the kind. The really high pitched girly ones that can only be made when you are absolutely certain you will die. Yep. That happened. And then we all giggled the next 40 miles to shore. Most importantly I refrained from screaming for the rest of my captain experience as my good friend Mr. Atlantic Ocean decided to quit f$@#ing with me. Thanks.

On our way home from our fantastical voyage we got pulled over by the real life U.S. Coast Guard. The waves were really rough so we thought perhaps they were doing a sobriety check, but thankfully this time I wasn't driving.

After ensuring our paperwork was in order, the Coast Guard took their tiny tug boat and their Tommy Gun and let us go on our merry way. Seriously. They had a machine gun on the front of their boat. Annnnnd they also had about 4 guns strapped to each leg. Most importantly, they only looked to be about 12 years old. It made us all feel a little bit like we were getting stopped by the Coast Guard's after school program ;)

And here is todays cache of photos:

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Mongeese gone wild

Today was a terrifically fantastic day. Again :) I have been informed that the working world hates me this week, so I just smile and answer, "Yes, but the Universe loves me!"

We visited a beach today that's on the top 10 list of all the best beaches in the entire WORLD. No big deal.

We floated about for hours and then I snorkeled at an extremely high rate of speed until I thought my arms would fall off. Best part? I swam with a real live, honest to God, sea turtle. It was incredible.

She was having a snack of sea weed before we made eye contact. She then swam up and gazed deeply into my eyes. After sharing that special little moment, she rammed me with her entire body and bitch slapped me with her fins.

Just kidding. She really and truly did gaze deeply into my sexy snorkel mask before she paddled away at warp speed. She was so close I could have reached out and touched her sweet little nose!

I saw a tarpon that was half my size, a school of angel fish and many other less than remarkable fish.

As we were leaving we caught a whole dirty parcel of Mongeese scampering about and one particularly interesting character. As we stopped to take photos he jerked his tiny swim trunks down, hiked his leg, and started licking himself. We decided to send his picture to Discovery channel and recommend they start a new show. "Mongeese gone wild" would be WAY cooler than Swamp People. Just sayin.