Captain McScreamy Pants and The U.S. Coast Guard

Today was a long, magically fantastic day. And I'm pretty sure that's exactly how all these tales have started while I've been here in Paradise ;)

We took a boat across the Atlantic and played on huge boulders that are several millions of years old. We jumped off the top of a rock that was 20 feet above the ocean and received a glorious salt water nasal passage power washing. We snorkeled again in water so clear and blue that it makes most swimming pools look cloudy. Absolute paradise.

One of the highlights of our excursion was when the captain of our boat gave me the wheel after 2.25 rum drinks (surprisingly I was the one who'd been drinking). He then left me with these terrifically detailed instructions: "Just point her over yonder and keep her out of the rocks."

Heh. Crossing a little snip of the Atlantic is no joke y'all. The waves were big enough to rock our boat at angles that had me laying down sideways on the captains bench before tossing me back into an upright position.

I don't know about your driving experiences folks, but laying down never seems like a good idea while attempting to maintain a good hold of the wheel and your eyes on the horizon. The first time a wave like that hit our Pretty Penny I literally almost shat myself.

The other 11 passengers aboard The PP were instilled with the utmost confidence by my piercing screams. You know the kind. The really high pitched girly ones that can only be made when you are absolutely certain you will die. Yep. That happened. And then we all giggled the next 40 miles to shore. Most importantly I refrained from screaming for the rest of my captain experience as my good friend Mr. Atlantic Ocean decided to quit f$@#ing with me. Thanks.

On our way home from our fantastical voyage we got pulled over by the real life U.S. Coast Guard. The waves were really rough so we thought perhaps they were doing a sobriety check, but thankfully this time I wasn't driving.

After ensuring our paperwork was in order, the Coast Guard took their tiny tug boat and their Tommy Gun and let us go on our merry way. Seriously. They had a machine gun on the front of their boat. Annnnnd they also had about 4 guns strapped to each leg. Most importantly, they only looked to be about 12 years old. It made us all feel a little bit like we were getting stopped by the Coast Guard's after school program ;)

And here is todays cache of photos: