Once I agreed and jotted the date down on my calendar, it was shockingly easy. Like floating through light, fluffy clouds instead of trudging up this muddy stream of shit I had created in my mind. It really took no effort at all. I just had to be willing.
Frankly, I had also run flat out of excuses. Kayla may have also looked me directly in the eye and told me point blank to get my ass there.
Whatevs. Something worked. And I am so grateful am I that I was finally brave enough to say yes.
The format for this meeting was self love and self nurturing. Whoo whee! Well isn’t that some deep shit homies? And how appropriate were these topics as I embark on my newest journey of singledom?
If you are anything like me, self deprecation comes much to easy and this self love mumbo jumbo is a wee bit more difficult to get your mind around.
In fact, I feel as if I’ve spent the majority of my life looking for love and nurturing from my significant other, my fuzzy little critters, my friends, my family and my God. I have looked high and low for something to fill my emptiness, something to patch my insides, meanwhile forgetting that first and foremost I am ALLOWED to love myself. Did you know we are allowed to say kind things to ourselves and nurture our own happiness? Yep. That’s a true story folks.
After our group ended we were each asked what we were able to take away from the evening.
Right then I set an intention to write myself a love letter like Kayla had shared with us. Instead of looking for love in all the wrong places, I plan to start practicing some self love. Like right now. Or between playing golf and shooting skeet… And in between my polo lessons and work. ;-)
Here it goes:
I will always love you. Just like your most favorite dog. Even more than that, and you know that’s a whole helluva lot. I will always be by your side. You will never be alone. I will always have a warm embrace waiting for you. I will always be your bestfriend.
I will encourage your silliness and your happiness. I will encourage your dreams and indulge your desires. I will give you a gentle nudge when you get stuck in fear or hesitation. I will hold you close every night and kiss your forehead gently before you close your beautiful eyes. I will never, ever leave you.
My heart shatters when you are sad or lonely because I am always here for you. I will do my best every day to brighten your world, to make you smile. You have the most beautiful smile. I wish that you may never quit smiling, not even for a moment.
I want to grow old with you. I absolutely can’t wait to see where this magical life shall next lead. I will walk hand in hand with you across beaches and down sidewalks. I want to spend the rest of our life eating delicious ice cream cones and capturing sunrises and sunsets together. I will always be right here, just for you.
Gator, I am so incredibly proud of you! You could never disappoint me. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. Trust in that. Trust in you. I will always keep you safe in my loving embrace. Keep shining my love.