Thursday, January 7, 2010

Gator Dimples

Read At Your Own Risk

I don’t think I’m ready for this jelly.  I don’t think I’m ready for this jelly.  I don’t think I’m ready for this jelly.  Is my body to bootilicious for ya baby?...

This is the song I sing as I check out what’s going on these days in booty/thighville.  Or going down, rather…  Is it possible for your ass to drip down your thigh?  From the looks of all those GD dimples and ripples it’s hard to tell exactly what’s happening.  But know this much.  It aint pretty.

I can hear my mirror screaming “OMG! IT’S MELTING!” as I race to the shower, ripping my eyes away from the horror.  (Clenching your butt cheeks or performing the Chicken dance naked in front of the mirror are both really HORRIBLE ideas.  Just trust me on this one.)

But not for long bitches!  Day 5 of P90X has been another success.  The dogs are on board and being quite helpful and I won’t let my inner fat kid sabotage my efforts (not counting the cheese burger and fries she made me eat last night).

This year I wave adios to my twenties and my thigh dimples.  (If that’s possible to do without having Lypo.  And now I have another excellent item to add to my Christmas list for next year!  Does anyone know if Santa does Lypo?)

So what if I can’t dress myself because my arms are frozen in pain?  (I was trapped inside my shirt for only moments before JS came to my rescue.)  This pain can’t possibly last forever can it? 

Prada says, "Only 300 more to go!  Move it fatty!"

"Seriously?  When Tony says "Bring It," do you think he meant the
 5# hand weights?  Nope.  Me neither."
"Can you cry with less noise?  I'm trying to nap over here."


  1. Admiring your effort to become a super model, though you are beautiful just being you. Hey, we all wait until the last minute to put on our "going out jeans". As usual, I am smitten with the animalia and wish to kidnap both of them. Prada has a bit of the Fifi look to her, makes both my hand and my heart ache.

  2. Pdiddy & Auntie Bella! So fun e! Im hurting these days too! Finally starting to see results. I am trying to run 30-45 mins on the days I do not do tennis, wk out with mr. T! shins may never FORGIVE shin splints come with old age??

  3. MKT: Piddle Von Diddle, aka P-Diddy, aka Prada, is always free to a home. Good not neccesarily being a requirement ;) Her super stick dog boogers she manages to spray on all surfaces 20 inches and lower would give you a coronary... But a sweeter more loveable Bear Dog there never was. Can you see Baby Bella's pouty lip? She alternates between sitting atop me, bitch slapping me in the face, or warming her tootsies on her heating blanket while I work out. She wants to play Squeaky Toy Olympics at all times and gets peaved when we don't do her bidding.

    Sister: Prada is hysterical. She is laying between me and her food bowl in the one picture making the, "Back off Fatty, this is my Kibble" face. However I assure you there is nothing funny about the state of my thighs... Although, after day 12 of P90X I am no longer crying when I sit down and I haven't been trapped inside my clothing recently, so things are definitely looking up! And, not to fear, shin splints are not a sign of old age. Just weak shin muscles and calves that are too strong. Stretch those calves and make sure your shoes are new and the shin splints will eventually resolve.