Friday, November 13, 2009

Sweet Baby Jesus and the F Bomb

Sweet Baby Jesus and the F Bomb

So I shall forever hold hope in my heart that my funny stories can and will, one day become profitable…  And I think I might have figured out how, with the help of my most favorite and dearest Sister.  (How do you like that shout out?)

So Sister says she actually knows (like really actually ‘knows’)
people that have accomplished this seemingly magical feat.

She says, “They talk a LOT about Jesus and their children and make lots of money.  Like, 30 or 40 thousand dollars a MONTH worth of money on those advertisements.”

So I shook my head in disbelief muttering, “There’s no effing way!” And in the same breath immediately proceeded to cover my blog in advertisements.

I promise those same ads will be much less obnoxious when we are partying at my lake house or yachting together in the Caribbean. Be patient. It’s a virtue. If you happen to see mine please send it home. I can’t remember the last time she and I had any quality time together.

After just one blog I’ve had such a HUGE positive response. I have quickly jumped to the conclusion that frankly, I’m funny as shit and people like the shocking use of a well-placed F word. I think this really is my ticket to popularity (and dollar bills yall)!

I realize I don’t have chil’ren and this puts me at a distinct disadvantage. Cute kiddie mugs really jack up the ratings. But what I DO have, is the F Bomb (and really cute dogs).

And that leads us to our next question. How does Jesus play into all of this crazy conclusion jumping and moneymaking? (Bible Thumpers- DeFib) With more crazy conclusions of course. My Dear Lord Baby Jesus actually approves of the F Bomb. Seriously. Do you think He sits up There all day with no sense of humor? Does He NOT have better things to worry about than these supposed ‘Bad’ words?

In all certainty Jesus is sitting up There right now watching a big screen TV, munching the most amazing kettle corn imaginable, occasionally Himself yelling,  WHAT  THE  FAACK  are My idiot children doing!? Especially if  He catches the traffic in Texas… Or worse, tries to watch an Aggie Football game.

(If this last paragraph offends, I do sincerely apologize and invite you to take the stick out of your hiney and follow a less controversial blogger. Which, incase you were a little confused, will not be me, XO)

And that is how I know The Sweet Baby Jesus approves of the F Bomb. Perhaps not a totally fail-safe way of garnering blog supporters but, eh…. Whatcha gonna do? I, for one am going to praise the Good Lord Jesus, post smashingly cute dog photos, use the F Bomb a lot, and have a blast.

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