Thursday, November 12, 2009

Blog Numero Uno

Blog Numero Uno


Yo Blogsville!  I have arrived.  Prepare yourself by buckling your seatbelts, securing your oxygen masks and by all means…  Please refrain from screamin’ out like a little girl.  It distracts the driver.

(These, coincidentally, are the same instructions I give for riding in my car.)

I Make The Rules…


1.  Here after, I shall only be referred to as “Gator.”

My apartment, unfortunately, is much too small to hold all the gifts I would undoubtedly be sent from all my adoring fans ;)  And Stalkers make Bella nervous.  BTW: For all the would be Stalkers…  I have a BUNCH of guns in my house…  and one Bear.  Her name’s Prada.

 
2.  Please feel free to leave negative feedback elsewhere.

I am certain I will offend someone at sometime (perhaps entire nations of people) and frankly, I don’t give a damn.  If obscene language offends, I suggest reading someone else’s blog.  Fuck is my most favorite word and I retain the right to use it regularly.  On the same note, I expect LOTS of positive feedback, so get busy!

3.  One of you must be in charge of defibrillating my Mother.

She probably needs a good ZAP after that last paragraph.  I find it enormously funny that the same word I learned from my Mother about 26 years ago has the power to shock her so intensely.  I hear this frequently, “Oh Gator! I hope you don’t speak like that in public!”  Which really means, “Jesus Christ! I raised a Sailor…  I hope this does not reflect too poorly on my Mothering skills…”

 
So Mom.  Let me officially take you off the hook.  You are NOT responsible for my foul language.  The public schools are!  Hahaha!  Now seriously Mom, read that first part a few more times.

I will try to warn you people of potentially hazardous areas by using the following notation: (MOM- DeFib)

 
4.  Enjoy!

This blog most likely will never be deep or meaningful.  This is my creative outlet for the funny ramblings in my head.  I do however, hold onto some hope that it will lead to my "Discovery.”  Honestly…  Who wouldn’t like to sit in their PJ’s all day and write funny things and be paid enormous amounts of money?  Who, I ask?  Very similar to winning the lottery.  A snowflake’s chance in hell, but we all hold hope in our hearts!

10 comments:

  1. Oh how I love how you make me laugh immediately after being canned. <3.

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  2. you make me look like the mother mary! thats why I love my GATOR sooo much!
    xoxo & congrats on your new adventure!
    I look forward to all your ramblings!
    Your big Sissy!

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  3. A. I have known you for 10 years, but have absolutely no idea why you would choose Gator as your pen name! What up wit dat?
    B. I am SO happy you have started this. I actually have all of your mass emails printed out from your C-School days because they are pee-your-pants funny. I'm excited that I now will be at work, reading your stuff, and peeing my pants.

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  4. YAY! For feedback!

    Dearest Sister: You are Mother Theresa in your writings compared to me... Cept she may occasionally use spell check... I tease ;) I truy have no idea how you get coherent thought to blog sheet with all you have to keep you busy. My blog, if I were you, would be lots of capital F words and nothing else. Perhaps intermingled with dents from pounding my head on the keyboard.

    Tia: Anything to help ease the pain.

    Jen: I shall keep you in suspense for a bit longer but I promise to blog about my pen name soon.

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  5. Love it! Cannot wait for the next update, and I am laughing uncontrollably at the supposed sufferings of your poor Mom. Rest assured that wherever mine is, she also has concerns about raising sailor children. Bring it on, Gator!

    P.S. Don't let the display name fool you, it's your pal M.K.T. ;)

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  6. Love it love it! Blogging is sooo fun and you've already mastered rule #1...getting rid of your inner censor. Way to go sista! Can't wait to get together soon. And I promise I'll get back on my blogging routine. We've inspired each other.... ;)

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  7. I am very proud of you Gator! You are so funny!
    I know you are a busy professional, and to have time to blog, so that I can laugh once a day, is a great treat for me!

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  8. Funny Funny! Love it... And yes plz bring the zapping machine for your mother.

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  9. Gator this is too damn good!!!! Im sure one of my day highlights will be checking this and laughing my ass off..Fuck yeah lol

    I may have to start one of these for the car biz..

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  10. Gator, Gator, Gator I absolutely love it!! I was excited as hell to read your words on here! The only other blog I have ever read and loved was about the Boston Redsox; now, I have yours to love=) May the F-bombs rain down like the Atomic bombs over Hiroshima!! LOL!!I can't figure out my computer; can you guess who this is?

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