Thursday, March 24, 2011

Gator and The Gang Take Mexico: Parte Una


Waaaaaay back when the Big 3-0 was still looming at me in the distant future, I began browsing the internet for a suitable beachy birthday destination.

 I was determined that my 30th birthday was to be the best birthday yet, and I knew I had to be the F bomb out of Texas (and my office!) ON A BEACH, with my most FAVORITE amigos, to accomplish my mission.

This was roughly back in February 2010, a short 8 months before ‘El Dia Grande!’  I had my wee heart set on Jamaica for my ‘birthday bonanza heard round the world'...  At least until a few inconsiderate rat bastard drug Lords took a few small cities hostage and began kidnapping unsuspecting citizens... AND THEN my groovy visions of jamming out with the local Rastafarians quickly disappeared.

Undeterred by terrorism or thuggery, Mexico was deemed the cheapest safest option, and I chose the Riviera Maya as the fantastical destination in which my birthday magic would unfold.

I sent out a mass email inviting all my closest friends and family to celebrate this momentous occasion with me, and lucky enough, a few choice suspects signed on.  The final Gang of merry party goers included:  Dub and Nina, Anthony and Trisha, G Money and D (aka Tiff), and of course my beloved JS.  Little Bella Poochie Pants was left at home to guard the casa, much to her beady eyed chagrin.

I received a few pre-party emails from The Gang along the lines of: “If ONE more patient/person/parent tells me about the Biker-Stripper-Underground Casino bar burning down in Mexico, I will undoubtedly lose my S-H-I-Z, man.  STAND BACK.  I may have to unleash a S-H-I-Z storm. ”

I also received no less than 2 emails a day from my extremely vigilant Mother (who probably quit sleeping the minute I revealed to her my nefarious plans to travel abroad) about the horrors awaiting us in Mexico.  The panic reached a crescendo when I began receiving printed articles from my own patients outlining the dangers hidden behind every tree, rock and backwoods booze shed along the Mayan coast line.  I actually had good fun snatching those lovingly printed pages from their nervous, clammy little fingers and perfecting my, “BOO YAH! My Mom already beat you to this one!” dance, all the while assuring them, as tempting as they sounded, I would try my best to stay wide of any strip clubs or poker joints.

I had a tough time not jumping onto my desk and shouting, “I’m going to Mexico, nah, nah, na, nah, na… “  “Settle down crowd of adoring patients!  I’m going to an AMAZING (most likely VERY safe) all-inclusive resort.  I have a few things on my agenda and not one of them includes shady bar hopping and/or leaving my resort.  My plans do include:

1. Sitting my ass on the beach with a cold beverage in my hand.

2. Eating whatever the F bomb they serve me.

3. Shaking my tail feathers if/when the urge strikes.

Truth be told, I really wasn’t scared of being hijacked or held up, but hurricane season had me freaked-the-F-out.  After suffering a mild chest seizing panic attack over the forecasted inclement weather, my home girl G Money talked me off the ledge with a well phrased, “You can’t change the fact that you were born in the height of hurricane season.  Just look at it as an adventure and CALM DOWN.  It will be amazing!” And then I hired her as my official Weather Wonder Girl.

And AMAZING it was.

Day one:

JS and I swooped by my girl D’s place on our way to the aeropuerte and she kept my caffeinated, animated, thoroughly over energized self company as we chatted it up at a high rate of speed.  Amazingly enough we never ran out of steam.  We were one big series of high pitched run-on sentences stretching from Austin, Texas at 5am until we reached Cancun at 11 am.  The fact that she’s a morning person was a stroke of brilliant luck because my Dear JS is a GD grizzly bear until about 2 pm.


I have no doubt that JS was ready to stuff cotton in our mouths his ears and/or jump straight out of the moving car/ airplane, for most of that marvelous morning.

The Grizzly prepares his tunes to drown out our yapping.

Best buds! And what excellent teeth!

There was quite a large scene and a truly heartfelt reunion inside the Cancun airport when I spotted Dub, Nina and G.  Unfortunately that moment was not captured on video, so I shall do my best describe that beautiful scene in words…

My hair was (naturally) blonde with an extremely healthy luster as it glistened under the fluorescent lights.  I spotted my long lost friends standing at the luggage carousel at the exact moment they too spotted me.  I gracefully (frog like) lept into the air and (screeched) shouted for joy.  I dashed around luggage carts like a (rabid border collie) skilled athlete and (plowed) ran straight into their group to smother each of them with hugs and kisses (slobber).  After their terrified bulgy eyes returned to a somewhat normal facial configuration, we hit Customs and D, being the great friend and very good sport that she is, joined me immediately at the bar for a little imbibing.

This was a very wise move, but the true stroke of genius was stocking up on ‘roadies,’ before we made our hour long van trip south from Cancun, down the Mayan coast line to our final destination of Playa Adventuras and the Catalonia Riviera Maya.  I had suffered an extremely long and dry van trip along that same coast line the previous summer, and seeing as I ain’t no dummy, I was not willing to repeat that unfortunate mistake again.  I took the jump seat (any other option would have left me barfing out the window) and quickly became air control, DJ, Antagonist to the driver, and in-flight entertainment.  Dos Cervezas and Gator got a little goofy, much to the enjoyment of our fellow travelers.  This is where I also coined my most excellent creed for the length of my vacation, “Chew this meal well, because you may see it again later.”  (Again, this wisdom was acquired from my previous Mexican scandal adventure.)

More air?  Louder Spanish music?  How can I be of service?
We arrived, checked in, met up with Anthony and Trisha, ate, drank, lounged on the beach and thus concluded our activity for the rest of our vacation!

Just teasing.  Sort of.  Too Be Continued...

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