Updates from CR

Photo Credit:  MacGruber

Cast of characters:
LG aka MacGruber
SK aka Smookems
D
Graddy aka Nina
W aka Dub
JS
Gator

*Sorry for the small smattering of pictures.  I simply do not have the patience to wait for blogger CR to upload all 8 bajillion pictures and then scramble all of my well placed text.  Hopefully I will add more pictures when we are home in the states, but I make no guarantees.

Updates from the Jungle:

Day two (Sunday) in CR found me awake, bleary eyed and ready to explore our tiny town of Tamarindo.  D, Smookems and I jogged down the road, through the jungle, over the beach, jumped a few small rivers and then turned around and did it all in reverse.  2 days in a row.  Woot, woot.

I was worried about my gimpy ankles but my worry was totally unfounded.  Alas, the 3 billion dollars in PT, rehab and good Ol’ chiropractic care has finally paid off.  My ankles feel grrrrrreeeat.  Or at least 85%.  My hips on the other hand have overnight developed an excruciating condition that my fellow traveler and Chiro has diagnosed as bursitis.  And I just turned 30 last year.  RIDICULOUS I tell you.  Thus I have officially diagnosed myself with a double case of really sad hip flexor-itis.  Really, really sad.

My fellow merry band has offered to carry me a few times after witnessing my wobble, hobble, shake it, shake it that has become my new gate, and we’ve only begun Day 3 of our adventures.  Eh.  Nothing a little ice won’t fix.  And that’s why I’m sitting here typing with two large Ziplocs full of ice down my pants. Awesome.  And chilly.  JS says I’m still dead sexy with my ice bags, my limping and my personal fragrance: ode to Biofreeze.  But who wouldn’t?

On day two (Sunday) Smookums cooked us a wonderful breakfast of eggs served on an open faced roll.  Amazing! Yesterday (Monday) Smookems, MacGruber and I walked all the way to town for Copacobana’s six dollar breakfast. Yum!  We had fruit, a tiny smoothie, coffee, eggs and veggies.  And then we hiked/ limped all the way back home which totally negated all of our breakfast calories and my first morning shower.  It’s about a 15-20 minute walk in each direction.

Our first full day found us on the beach sunning and chillaxing with amazing views.  It was a Sunday so all the surfers were out in good form.  The waves are not exactly terrifying but I haven’t ventured out to see them up close.  I had totally planned on taking surfing lessons while we’re here but then I realized it involves getting out in waters that are deeper than my waist…  And then all I can hear is the theme song from Jaws.

Damn the 80’s and the high preponderance of water monster movies from my youth.  I have polled several people in my same age bracket that all say the same thing.  Deep water is terrifying and dark water is a no-go.  We ALL agree that anything unidentifiable that touches a leg calls for immediate ink cloud release, screeching and walking across the offending body of water until a safe shore has been achieved.  And we also agree that we could all benefit from a little therapy.

Photo Credit:  MacGruber

While we were on the beach we had Brazilian Caipirinhas with a watermelon CR twist.  They were fantastical and had us headed home for naps by early afternoon.  We ended our first day with swimming in our private pool.  Sadly, the purple floats I literally packed on my back all the way from the states are total lemons.  One immediately sank like the Titanic and the second is dying a slow hissing death.

For dinner JS grilled us chikkin and burgers while all the single ladies prepared the vegetable accoutrements. Needless to say, the fruit, veggies and eggs here are to die for.  The meat however, is really strange.  My good friend KBF would say that it tastes exactly like death…  And for the sake of my fellow travelers I have decided to call it "gamey."  Our joke is that it all tastes a little funny because its grass fed and lacking those tasty industrialized hormone injections. (KFB is a beautiful veg. and for this trip I am totally ON the wagon. Carbs and sugar laced snacks are the only thing I am willingly ingesting without massive amounts of alcohol to confuse my taste buds.)

Photo Credit:  MacGruber

After the ladies and I made our breakfast hike Monday we came home to snack and found the rest of our group lounging poolside.  We tried to recreate the watermelon caipirinhas and somehow concocted a much more intoxicating version.  Nice.  We lunched at the VooDoo lounge next to what were most likely a friendly group of Nicaraguan drug lords, went home for naps and then we went back out for cocktails.  Happy hour found us at The Fitness Club which has the most PHENOMENAL pool, bar, and super skanky swanky casitas.

Today (Tuesday) we are headed back to The Fitness Club to work out, catch a yoga class and then to use their beautiful beach access and loungers.  MacGruber and Smookems SWEAR that while we were there last night that they witnessed a couple in the candle lit casita “gettin’ it on.”  Apparently when they asked our barman ‘Yimmy’ he shrugged his shoulders and said, “Eh. Here you do not need a room.”

EW. AND THAT IS WHY WE WILL NOT BE LOUNGEING UNDER THE CASITAS.  EVER.

We finished our Monday evening playing ping pong and pool at the little sports bar that's catty corner from our Casa Maya.  It's owned by a husband, wife and dog duo from California.  (There is a high concentration of expats from Cali here and really...  Who can blame them?)

I was nicknamed Andy Roddick after MacGruber and Smookems witnessed my ping pong serving prowress in action...  And then All the Single Ladies simply refused to play with me after I smashed Smookems in the face with a mighty volley and then very nearly put my own eye out with a poorly aimed slam in the same breath.  Who knew ping pong could be so dangerous!?  And fun! 

MacGruber, it turns out is like a little Korean ping pong mastermind.  We tried to get her to play in the surfers winners bracket but she wanted to wait for an occasion when she was weraing a longer dress.  At one point in our game she was whippin' my ass with a paddle in each hand.  Impressive. 

Luckily after my ping pong fiasco Graddy was still willing to take me on for a friendly game of pool, where once again all those hours spent at the Chicken paid off.  Perhaps it was all that adrenaline from my earlier ping pong 'championship' coursing through my veins that made me so accurate.  Whatevs.  I know better than to look a gift horse in the mouth but Mamma was ON FIRE!  Say what you want about my ping pong game but I frickin' schooled last night on the pool table.  (*Disclaimer:  These results are not typical and may not ever be recreated.)  So we're going to have the winner's pool bracket match off tonight.  And I think I owe the barman something like 55 ping pong balls.  Eh...   

Happy Tuesday friends and good day from Costa Rica!  XOXO



Costa Rica Day One

Wow!  That was a long hungry day of travels.  This blog is sponsored by Costa Rican Coffee and my internal (rat bastard) rooster who likes to wake me up at all sorts of ungodly hours...  5:30 am Texas time or 4:30 am Costa time.  Wahoo!  Partay!  Can you guess who will be passed the F out at 8:30/ 7:30 TX/CR time?  Yep.  This girl.

Any who. I woke this morning to the hum of our super duper fantastically chilly air conditioner and then I had to chip the icicles off my nose.  Luckily when I got up for my 3 am potty break I was able to wake JS long enough to demand that he hold me.  And thus I didn't die of hypothermia. The long pajama pants and sweater were also a nice touch.

As I type in our cozy common room and sip my lovely rejuvenating java I am watching 'Cinecanal' which appears to be a CR movie channel.  The beautiful thing about Cinecanal TV:  The films are English with Spanish subtitles.  It's helping me tremendously with my rusty Espanol.  Not so much help with my ADD.
We'll just blame the sporadic and random bits of typed info on the crack coffee that I'm a slurpin' up like water.  My heart may seize at any moment.

A rehash of Costa Travels Day One:

Our story began August 20th at 3:30 am at our house. I showered, changed bed linens for the Pooch-Sitter, and smashed anything and everything extra I could find laying about the house into my bulging suitcase. We sped down south and picked up D, LG and SK, our three 'single ladies' for this adventure. Which inspired JS to begin immediately singing "All the Single Ladies" for the rest of our vacation. He's so cute when he adds the jazz hands and the sashaying hips.

ATX airport was totally LAME because they refused to serve us any Cerveza before 8:30 am. Upon arriving in Dallas we were forced to make up for lost time and 9 am found us reunited with Graddy and Dub, well fed and inebriated. At least all the single ladies. The boys (JS and Dub) remained well behaved and sober.

D and I wrassled down the length of our airplane while boarding. The hysterical giggles and an impatient soon to be birthday girl made it so she couldn't keep her grubby mitts off me. But really. Who can blame her? She bumped me down the entire aisle even after I promised to push her down on the floor and sit on her head if she didn't quit pushing. We gave first class quite a show. You're welcome.

We ate a light lunch on the plane around noon and didn't see another meal until 7:30 pm. Which made for a tenuous and rather ravenous journey.

After starving for half of the day I was able to terrorize the car rental guy (who apparently is not, contrary to popular belief, paid to be nice. Yes, I did ask him.) AND THEN the leasing agent that gave us the keys to our home. Both leasing agents forgot to tell me that there was a 10% bank fee associated with the use of a credit card (these guys want cold hard cash ya'll) and I forgot that I shouldn't use the F word in public. Oops. My bad. We’ll l call it even. 'Cept I may have set America back in our Costa Rican public relations department by a few years... Doubly bad. Eh. Tomorrow is a new day and now I have a good skill to practice. Patience and grattitude while totally being taken advantage of in a foreign country. That and reading the fine print. Duh.

The country that we traversed between Airport Liberia and Tamarindo, CR is incredibly rural. Which may be a huge understatement. We have two cars, little Suzuki Vitaras and two pilots. SK and myself. My merry band of travelers included Dub, JS and Graddy. SK was left to chaffeur D and LG. I had my car load shrieking in fright around every bend and now NO ONE will volunteer to ride shotgun while I drive. Whatevs, pansies. They KNEW what they were getting into. Besides, Mamma was EFFING hungry and they wouldn't allow me to stop at any roadside eateries. I debated on smashing and snatching up a bit of road fowl, there's chikkens ever'where here but alas, none wandered into my path.

We raced to our house, dumped our bags off, turned on our air conditioning and scavenged Tamarindo for food and booze. We settled on a lovely dinner at Cococabana, a beautiful little restaurant and bar right on the beach. Our waiter Carlos bonded with D over his new tattoos and his pretty eyes but mostly we all fell in love with him because he brought us food. And it was delicious. And the bar tender was generous with his pours.

The locals and stray pooches are super friendly and you can literally get anything you want on the street corner. Cuban cigars, surf boards or corn rows. They've got it all. Right now we've already decided to bring home at least 3 dogs. I know Bella will be SO EXCITED to have a new sister ;)

Our house is SUPER fab but this town makes the Riviera Maya in Mexico look like the Four Seasons. It reminds me a lot of Brazil with poorer roads.

Our home has open air corridors and separate rooms. It's really beautiful with a pivate pool, gardens and fountains... But I'm only 90% positive we don't have bed bugs... Time will tell.

Now D, SK and I are off to get our exercise on! We've got some jogging and Crossfit WOD's lined up. And D's on a mission to see monkeys. Me? Not so much. I hear they'll jump on your head and pull your hair. Not cool. I'm going to need to wear some effing diapers for any of those shenanigans. I’m telling you RIGHT NOW I will shit my pants, y'all.

F THAT and good day.